**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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