It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
