Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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