i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize