The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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