Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
