i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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