Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This house was built for laser tag.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
