If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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