Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
