Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
