My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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