while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
