have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
