hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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