Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
