Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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