he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
false alarm, still single
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
