Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
