i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
