I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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