Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
