dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
