i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
