She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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