I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
