There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
