so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
