he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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