so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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