It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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