If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
