Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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