youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
