He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
