We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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