my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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