the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
