oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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