can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I supernannyed him into submission
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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