You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
