tell your sister to shave her snatch
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
