I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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