Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I touched a dick in church today
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Help. Why am I so naked?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
