But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
