It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
PANTIES FOUND
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize