Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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