You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize