Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
