she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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