bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
