You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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