this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
