Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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