she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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