i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
