i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
