i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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