they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
