3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
