Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
