i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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