I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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