If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize