you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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