I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
