home. puking in laundry basket.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
