Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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