i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
