Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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