just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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