He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
