i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
