Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
